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Saturday, August 1, 2009

Alternatives to "Once Upon a Time"

I recently entered a contest where I had to come up with alternative ways to start a fairy tale (masterminded by Heather of The Secret Life of WriterGirl), other than "Once Upon a Time." I thought I'd share my creations with you, in the hope that I'll get a few laughs.


In the time of the flesh-eating fairies...

Once, when the world was younger than the dinosaurs...

When the rainbow still held a door...

When humans were still young and fae folk ruled the realm...

Once there was... oh, forget it.

Once upon a particular position in the space-time continuum...

It was a (insert adjective here) night and the the faerie eyes were glowing in the woods...

If I tell you this tale I'll have to kill you, or at least leave you badly dismembered...

These words are powerful, so listen well...

Beware the cunning people who live where humans dare not go...

Blood and guts. If this makes you feel squeamish, do not read on...

It was a beautiful summer day and the zombies sat quietly decaying....

If you're reading this now, it's probably too late...

When the naiads had forgotten how to swim and the metal towers scraped the sky...

If the fae folk touch you, call the priest and not the police...

Once, before the sparkly glitter faeries attacked...


To read other people's entries, go to one of these links:

- http://thesecretadventuresofwritergirl.blogspot.com/2009/07/new-contest-wings-by-aprilynne-pike.html

- You can vote for the winner here: http://thesecretadventuresofwritergirl.blogspot.com/2009/07/let-once-upon-time-voting-begin.html


*Paradox*

11 comments:

Rhiannon Hart said...

Ah, that's hilarious. I like the sparkly faeries attacking. A traditional alternative to "Once upon a time" that I read somewhere is "Once, in a more colourful and easier somewhere else..." which could so easily be subverted to "Once, in a colourless and uneasy somewhere else..."

La Coccinelle said...

Oh... I'd so love to read a book that begins with "In the time of the flesh-eating fairies..."

LOL!

Anonymous said...

Oh, I loved them! My favorites are: In the time of the flesh-eating fairies (I'm tempted to start a story with that except that it would steal your idea), Once there was... oh, forget it, Once upon a particular position in the space-time continuum, and It was a beautiful summer day and the zombies sat quietly decaying (conflicting images!).

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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